even my farts smell like vagina
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
