I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
