I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
