Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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