i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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