he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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