I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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