Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
