im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize