lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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