guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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