there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
