The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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