Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just googled if crying burns calories
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
