so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
