I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
