Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
