Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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