The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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