i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
