Pregnant stripper...not hot.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
