so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize