How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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