You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
