when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize