How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
