They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
