hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
