He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
