11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
