so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
