Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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