things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
