you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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