his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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