We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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