My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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