Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
