Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
