yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
