Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
