I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
