you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Randomize