a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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