no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
