We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
This house was built for laser tag.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
