You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
