i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
