I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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