where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
