I smell stomach acid.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize