I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
