He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize