Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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