Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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