I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
