Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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