Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
