I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize