Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
