When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
