meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
