Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
