So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
