my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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