she woke up with a sticky ear
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
