For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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