If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm too high and old for this...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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