Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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