why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
