I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
