Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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