VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
