Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
