My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
