i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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