How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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