It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
