i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
