literally had 100 drinks last night.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
