do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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