I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
