woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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