Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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