Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
