Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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