the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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