The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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