You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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