even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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