Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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