remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
