I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Four minutes until I can fart!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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