My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i came on her dog
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
