i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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