We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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