she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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