Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Also, beer. Big fan.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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