Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
