I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
