fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
