Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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