New low: just hacked my moms facebook
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
